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RICHARD HIGLETT

SOMEBODY SAID SOMETHING SOMEWHERE ONCE

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Richard Higlett

STUDIO 20, Market House, Market Road, Canton, Cardiff, Wales, UK CF5 1QE

Dictionary

writing projects

current writing project a contemporary version of Flaubert’s Dictionary of Received Ideas scheduled for Spring 2015. OVER DUE

Back up from march 2014
taster while much added and changed
many typos
A Dictionary of Received Ideas

A43 (31)(7 )

Analogue Radio: A comforting sonic blanket that unlike digital was always there for you.

Alcohol: children hate the taste, adults crave it, for some it makes us sleep for other they can’t sleep without it. 

Aliens: Off-world creatures who are only as exotic as our imaginations.

Ants: A society I equally admire and loath. Generals have watch them before battles.

Absinth: Once the stuff of late nineteenth century Paris, the wormwood bitter the xxx flower fraidrent on the tongue. Now replaced by cheap eastern surgical grade sprites, coloured garish red and green and sold for a few euros a bottle in supermarkets. 

Accident: events that  are meant to happen so the balance of the universe is kept and we must be reminded of our actions in relationship to others. 

Achilles: ancient super hero of antiquity, died at the siege of Troy, a place longer since disappeared under middle eastern sand, while all that remains of Achilles is his heel. 

Actresses: Are now called Actors but woman rarely play men and men rarely play women. 

Adolescence: remembered fondly but not at the time…..

Advertising: Makes you want the things you never knew existed and burdens your life to conform in new exciting ways.

Agriculture: The formalisation of the beauty of nature in terms economics can understand.  We live off the land only to one day return to it, a cycle Urban society increasingly moves away from. 

Air: Can’t see it, cannot prove it is actually there, but know I can’t live without it. 

Alcoholism: the addiction acceptable to the state and the market. 

Animals: contain the souls of the dead but there are so many more animals that souls so most are empty, we know which ones are occupied by good sprites. 

Antichrist: once sat at the side of Christ as a friend, now we have invented a creature to empathise with the bad in all of us. Man created the devil and almost certainly God as well.

Apricots: only seen these days in plastic cartons as jam in continental breakfasts in economy hotel chains across Central Europe. 

Architects: demand huge sums of money for drawings on the back of cigarette packets. 

Army: spends most of its time in alien and foreign lands with a remit that states its for the defence of the homeland. 

Art: Governments of the Right increasingly suppress and advise the masses it has not propose, but their version of society is one devoid of humanity and seeks to exstinguish 
The sprit of creativity in all its forms as it sees competition as the key to evolution. Even Darwin must now realise these types of ape are wrong………

Art Books : Over time they develop the same smell as a Bible.

Art Gallery’s:  Will/have become Archives of activity. 

Artists: time wasters, dreamers and con men until we are told otherwise.

Astronomy: The academically verified field of guessing. 

Atheist: people can be fundamentalist believers in anything, even Atheists. 

Apple: Present at some of the key moments in fantasy fiction. 

Ability: what i believe i am capable of and what i actually am is very different.work to surprise yourself. 

Axe: A device that now only exists in fairy tales and Scandanavia

Air travel: I never believe I’m actually in the air, how can so much metal fly through the air under the control of one and a half people?

Alloys: not the result of simple case of mathematics.

Aluminium: is pronounced Aluminium 

Airports: a non-place, built for transition where time has become meaning less and men drink in bars at 8am
Air Travel: When I leave the plane and walk down the steps I still expect to see crowds of happy foreigners. But then I remember I am not in the Beatles.
Analogue Watches: Last forever, their design is timeless.

B53(39)(16)

Birds: The most carefree of creatures. They want nothing to do with humans.

Bitter (Ale): Like Salad ingredients and French Cheese needs to be slightly warm and not purchased anywhere that sell a ‘smooth’ version.

Bendy-Buses: Are inflexible. The Grim Reaper coming for the cyclist.

Bachelor Pad: One of the many things in life where the ideal is not the reality.

Back: I’ve never seen mine with my own eye, except in reverse.

Backdrop: (Theatre) some of the greatest painters of the 20th Century have been set designers, creating mural and props for someone else’s story.

Baldness: Both my grand fathers died with hair, my father has hair and I have hair, so I don’t care.

Bankers: The real controllers, the untouchable ‘Masters of the Earth’. They meet in secret to hide their mistakes then advise the governments that the people must pay for them.

Bear: Terrify people living in the woods and the stories of their actions terrify the people of the city more so.

Belly: There was a belly dancer named Almasd in Swansea who performed in a bar in Uplands. She came from Turkey in the 1950’s and when she did an impromptu dance, men would throw empty crisp packets at her belly.

Bible: A name for any way you choose to live your life. A book often quoted, seldom read and always misunderstood.

Blonds: eventually dye their roots. 

Boil in the Bag:  method of cooking fish by subjecting it to the opposite environment it can survive in. This appears a common technic  in cooking. 

Book: early form of data storage and narrative conversation. Digital boxes will never have the advantage of being able to be stood on to look over walls.

Batman: a mysterious millionaire who creeps around in the night in a costume defeating crime. 

Bread: along with chips, pasta and rice make us fat.

Bird Song: are they talking about us or too us telling us where we are going wrong? 

Breath: you dont relaise you are breathing until its quick and loud or shallow, soft and slow…

Brunettes: 

Buddhism: is not all about peace.

Bullshit: one of the more preferable types of excrement. 

Burial: A scene akin to a wedding but with one less drunk.

Butchers: 

Budget airlines: 

Blackberry:

Buildings: places filled with the echoes of conversations that over time become like paint on the walls.

Babies: Our future, the march of human kind. The only one of importance is your own. Our collective future, go near mine and you die.

Bath: should be in the centre of every living room to remind us of our pre Christian lives as fish. ……..change

Bath (2): Place

Bill Gates: Changed the way we work a genius to commerce and destroyer of free time.

Books: when you open a book in the centre, its pages open out like wings, in ready to fly away. Books are gathering secretly making plans to fly away for our lives forever as technology marches on. Only small note books will remain recording words that will never be spoken.

Big business: keeps the workforce poor and the share holders greedy.

Beast of Bala: Serpent-like creature that has been observed in a Lake in the North of Wales as recent at 2012.

Barista:

Belgium:

Black:

Black Hole: No one has ever seen one with their own eyes and when they will it will be too late to walk away. 

Bus stop: Once a place were people talked, now they are filled with people growling in the rain.

Bus Station: A place of transistion, where everyone is between the beginning and end of a journey. Can be pergatory.
Bad Dreams: The are no such thing as your safe from the real world.

C104 (45)(33)

Coffee: Nowadays must be Italian. NB: The bigger the cup the less time you have to live.

Cars: All look the same while the insurance depends on the colour.

China: In this world of digital communication, still seem so far away.

Canadians: On visiting, appeared more German than British, they have the manners we have lost and the more land than they will ever need.

Churches: Would make great Art Galleries, once the seats are removed.

Children: Expected to be young adults far too early. They are given rights before they have knowledge.

Capitalism: The magician of materialism; tricks you into wanting what you never desired and buying want you don’t need.

Celibately: A life that can be more fleeting than the careers of the ghost writers who write their biographies

College: A debters prison under the pretense an education will be provided. 

Crow’s Feet: marks on the face caused by living and become deeper through experience. 

Calling: Once the job of Angels, unless youre in the arts, the angel has been replaced by the promise of a salary that matches your value. 

Carthusian Monks: Described in the original dictionary. I have no idea who they are or any desire to find out more.

Castle: What an elderly English man calls his home as no other nation is more content to pull up the draw bridge, turn its back on worldly expereince yet have an opinion on everything.

Catholicism: With great power comes great responsibility. History bears witness to its leaders who put corruption before wisdom and tollerance of others. 

Caves: One day will all return to them for safety. 

Censorship: Never when we have felt so free and we been watched and judged by so many.

Champagne: Will soon be made in villages throughtout Essex 

Cheese: 

Chess: a game based on warfare that pre-dates the atomic bomb, a new piece which I occasionally introduce in the form of a clenched fist rainning down on the board! 

Children: are strangers to me, I have none and yet to understand what I am missing. 

China: will soon own the world and everything and everyone upon it. 

Chivalry: Is still dead.

Christianity: Freed the slaves only to enslave through other methods.

Christmas Dinner: is never enough at the beginning and far too much by the end. 

Cider: a method involving apples which allow the possibility to lose time. 

Cigars: for celebrating life by quickening the time of death. 

Clown: never buy a car from a clown or order a cream pie, it will end in disappointment. 


Curators: will take over from Artists and they tell a good yarn. 


Cold: Gets in my bones earlier each year.

Comedy: Anyone who doesn’t laugh the joke is on them. I no longer understand the humour of the young.

Comets: Wait for moments in history in order to plan there visits.

Comfort: A my mother says; in this life all you need is a good pair of shoes and a comfortable bed as you are either in one or the other.

Compass: My moral one is in need of re-calibration.

Competition: like war with out the death but still a level of pain. 

Composition: everything must go in its right place, when it doesn’t you are faced with something problematically different that could be problematially better. 

Confectioners: Now clean the floors of supermarkets.

Constipation: Will get us in the end.

Conversation: Facilitated by good food you haven’t cooked and fine wine you have provided.

Convicts: they move amongst us yet we try to ignore it.

Cooking: Something I watch on television as I move from the arm chair to the microwave. How middle-aged men attract women.

Cousin: the most distance of relatives, neither of your fathers blood or your mothers yet deserving of a card at birthdays, maybe.

Critic: everyone has the ability to be critical, its is only the ones who know why they are with objective purpose that have the right to open their mouths in public.

Crossbow: Kept in a museum, behind glass with a faded picture of a knight.

Crufix: is a spelling mistake 

Charity: pulls on the conscience more than a child.

Coconut: still exotic
Capers. are replacing Olives as exotic cuisine in my fridge. 

Clouds: there are many types of clouds, with names in Latin based on their size, shape and at what altitude they reside. They have yet to classify the clouds that form the shapes of the profiles of people I’ve known.


Canals: once the veins of the nation sustaining towns and cities, now they are hidden for society. To travel by barge is to walk behind the scenes of everyday life. Still in use on Mars apparently.


Church Music: it is easy to see how one could believe in God when you hear the power of choirs singing in churches. I also explains why I believe in my football team.

Compact Disc: As been replaced by something more compact.

Concrete: horrible ugly substance made my man that hold ups up cities and societies without questioning.

Cornish Pasties and Oggies They don’t have pasties in Europe everything to eat as you walk contains either sausage or cheese unless your are in Austria then it contains both.

Cream Cakes: always taste nicer in the imagination. Same applies for Conferences, Symposiums and affairs with married women.

Colours: Do I see them the same as you? I suggest we don’t and i prove this by proposing a survey of the badly dressed.

Centimeter: equal to the gap between the thumb and index finger when indicating the amount of milk you want in your instant coffee.
Cyst: Woman’s cyst ‘weight of seven babies’.

D60 (33)(12)

Dogs: They live for you as opposed to cats, you live for them.

Digital Technology: We only realise the old ways were better at the moment it is too late to go back.

Dreams: The woman I keep seeing in them I know I will never meet in life.

Drinkers: People who drink at lunch time believe the evening begins at noon.

Designers: This year they are still in love with bright yellow while always embrace pane’s grey. They create things no one can afford.

Doors: Like Walls and unlike windows, they can hide unhealthy activities.

Daguerreotype: Never did replace painting. An example of one sold at auction last month for one million pounds. (see dinosaurs)

Dinosaurs: Long gone,  into my fuel tank.

Disco: I mourn the passing of the DJ who played what you wanted to dance too. These days the piper calls the tune and plays their music.

Darwin: was wrong because he spoke before diversity was en vogue.

Day: 24 hours, alot of minutes and countless seconds which happen in ever increasing speed.

Dentists: hold conversations with you when you have a mouth full of tools. 

Descartes: an intellectual savage with some good ideas at the time.

Desert:

Diamond: 

Diana:

Dictionary:

Dimples:

Dinner:

Diploma: Bought on-line, worth less than the frame.

Diva:

Divorce:

Doctor:

Dolphin:

Dominos:

Dormitories:

Drawing:

Drunk:

Dips: ruin a main course but make an evening of bad TV watchable.

Diets: women obsess about them men avoid them exercise is the key.

The Devil:

Diamonds:

Ducks: I have yet to reconcile how pretty they are with how good they taste.

Dreamer: You are nothing but a dreamer.

E47 (22)(5)

Exercise: For the fit man the hardest part is the last 20 minutes, for the unfit man it’s the first few seconds.

Elephant: So ugly but if they understood your voice you would never have the courage to tell them. There is usually an invisible one in every room.

Exchange:

Entomology: the study so small creatures of consequence, the moving glue with nature. 

Eddy: Spell Eddie 

Exit:

Exit wound:

Exit strategy:

Example: 

Euros:

Early Riser

Earth:

Echo:

Economy:

Education:

Egg:
Egotism:

Enamel:

Encyclopedia:

Engineer:

Enthusiasm:

Eraser: Made from horse scrotum

Erection:

Error:

Etiquette:

Exercise:

Evenings:

Energy Drinks: make you work faster for no purpose. Designed for sportsmen, drank by the unemployed.

Euro: used in many places including Toy Town. So ugly you can’t wait to spend them.
Experimental Music: Poor attempts by middle classes at madness constrained by floored intellect which suffocates true innovation. Pieces are always too long and too forgettable.
Epicurius: had a garden and understood people are simply another plant in need of water and care.
Electronic Cigarettes: make the user feel less guilty but look more foolish than before. Who is that emerging from a post-Victorian Cherry fog?

F59 (30)(7)

Foreigners: Seem to get it! (life)

Fashion: Has little to do with taste and choice and more to do with the market. (see also Art, Music and Mobile Phones)

Festivals: Show my age.

Face:

Faithful:

Farewells:

Farm:

Farmers:

Fasting:

Fat:

Flavour:

Fear:

Female:

Fez:

Figs:

Fire:

Flies:

Food:

Foreign:

Fortune:

Fossil:

Freedom:

Freemasonry:

France:

Funeral:

Furniture:

Failure: is over rated, we all fail, it is who we are. Who said you never  know fire is hot until you’ve been burnt?

Fish and Chips: must be followed by a mug of warm sweet tea.

Fireworks. We aspire to a life like a firework, reaching into the night sky and showering our brilliance on the world. But for every rocket there are many more that fail to leave the ground while others flicker and are soon forgotten.

Fact is another word for the moment or instance of now. Just one millisecond later it is open to question one millisecond before it is open to speculation.
Fur Coats: must only be worn by those living in nature, only a slay a creature for need not greed.

G47(7)(6)

Gigs:

God: If he did exist and was responsible for the Universe why would he have time for little you?

Gymnasiums: smell of hope more than sweat.

Gym Balls: hurt

Gym Balls (2): require the volume of air equal to one person to fill and if you don’t have a foot pump, require the lungs of an ox to inflate

Ghost Stories: simple tales that require candle light so our imaginations run through the twinkling shadows. One made on the spur of the moment and told for the first time seldom work as they need to be handed on.

Great White Sharks : Marine creatures more scare of man than we are of them. More people each year are killed by falling coconuts.

Global Brands:

Globalisation:

Global Politics:

God Particle:

Godesses: where few clothes and so deserve our devotion. 

Godliness:

Grapes:

Great Britain:

Guts:

Gouda:

Goudi: 

Grated Cheese:

Green Politics:

Green:

Greetings Cards:

Genesis: start of a book about everything, ends with a story about the the end of everything. Requires a dust jacket. 

Greco Roman Urn:
Good Dreams: Are the result of an over active mind and a lazy physic.

H53(7)(7)

Hoverflies: Mistaken for Wasps but far more expert at flying around picnics.

Happiness: Something learnt and without practice is easily forgotten.

Horse: How can such a mighty beast be controlled by a small child?

Hen Nights: Have little to do with Hens

Heros: Duchamp said Love Your Heros but the quality in them to love are latent in yourself,mother wise you would empathise.

(The) house on the Hill: Always looks welcoming but keeps a dog unleashed in the garden.

Human Brain: seldom exercised parts of it have yet to be used. We are told by scientists mostly made of water and air.

I49 4 4 

Insects: Like the parts of natures pocket watch, come in all shapes and sizes and never travel in straight lines.

Ideology: Killed by Margaret Thatcher and will remain dead with her.
Ikea: sounds like a method of torture from the Far East. A place alive with the sound of children during the school holidays. 

Ipad. As a child I have a blanket I would take with me everywhere, my iPad is my new comfort blanket. It won’t be long before the first human/iPad marriage it announced.

Iron Maiden:

Ink:

International Commerce:
Itchy Palms:
Incest:
Inca Temples:
Invertibrates:
Inner Sanctum
Imposition:
In:
I:
I.T.:

J16()()
Jam:
Jerumsalem:
Justice:
Jury:
Jokes:
Jack of all trades:
Jack in a Box:
Jeremy:
Jack Boot
Juddery:
Juice Bar:
Juggler:
Jaunty Angle:
Jet Rocket:
Job:
Just:

K8 (1)(1)

Knowledge: Only of value when used in the right situation.
Konstaninople: Currently Istanbul.
Kurry: A dish so popular that its worth spelling wrong to include in this section.
Kull:
Kilt:
Knock Knock: who’s there?
Kernel:
Ketchup:

L39(3)(2)

Lager: for eternal boy racers, people south of the equator and people who believe its important to count how many pints they have drunk.

Lovespoon:

Leaves. Reflect the ages of man in a few short seasons, only to end their time being trampled under foot.

The Lampton Worm:

M70 (9)(8)

Mail: Letters always arrive after you have left.

Mosques: See Churches, while keep the seating and show movies.

Moon: A source of wonder and comfort…..it is slowly moving away from the Earth.

Metro: expansive transport networks that move people across the urban jungle. In Swansea it is a bus with panels to hide the wheels.

Mirrors: Like television and air travel, something I will never understand. Thank god for magic (ironic).

Music: A essential part of growing up in the 21st Century which is way we download it illegally. Music more than any other sense frames memories.

Mumbles:

Millimeter: To only be used by Engineers otherwise cause confusion and accidents.

Metric: an ultimate unit of length based on the circumference of the earth but it will never replace the Rule of the Thumb.

N16 (5)(4)

Nature: The grand theatre that’s free for all. If Nature wrote books on life the song of the Bird would be in quotation marks.

North Pole: Is for most of the year, an ocean.

Neck

Newspapers: son will have not need for paper, just at the time we need more trees, technology is it the making of us or a device that orchestrates
Our devise?

Nightclubs: a place for shouting.
Nectarines: Seldom ripe in the UK when eaten before ready they are the rawest of fruits that disappoint the greatest.

O24(5)(3)

Optimism:

Olympics: London’s grand lie to the nation.

Oaks: The wisest of trees, should be embraced in the autumn when out walking with children or alone when no one is near you.

Orange:

Olives. Have replaced Garlic Bread as exotic cuisine

P79 (13)(9)

Processed Meats: includes Ham, Salarmi and Turkey roll. Created to fit in bread they are a distance cousin of meat. 

Proverbs: Are more true when mis-quoted. For example; ‘Familiarity breeds consent’

Packages: Are stored in a depot on the edge of town for you to collect.

Public transport: Rarely reliable while often essential.

Peace: The term for the time inbetween wars.

Poor: The poor have to be more resourceful than the rich, but this cannot affect the hand of cards dealt them by society.

Purple: A colour embraced by those at the margins of society.

Passport:

PC:

Potatoes Crisps: No child can live without them as can most adults.

Public Toilets: Places were you realise how different your habits are from others.

Pork: You can eat every part except the grunt, but we are finding a way….

Plastic forks

The police

periodic Table:

Production Line.

Pyrotechnics: 

Physics:

Philosophy:

Phantoms:
Peaches: Sometimes appear as juice in cartons, but best eaten from tins in syrup with added Carnation Milk. God Bless the 1970’s.

Pencils: like the worm, when broken in two you rarely have two pencils.

Q1(1)(1)

Queen: God bless her and all who sail in her.
Quantative Easing: more ways for the rich to protect themselves as the poor take on the burden of the greedy.

R24 (8)(8)

Repetition

Rind

Resonance

Reverb

Rest: 

Rough: noise made by a dog but only in English speaking countries. 

Reputation: built on a steady stream of minor successes interspersed with one or two catastrophic failures.

Ralph Carter: A name that was spoken to me in my sleep, I know of no one of that name. A fiction of my imagination now in the physical realm. 

Rain: In Swansea the rain has been scientifically proven to be wetter than anywhere else in Wales.

Religion: Used to divide opinion but are we not all in the same boat?

Without it History lessons would have been boring and Hollywood would have less to work with.

Russia: Russian’s remember their bad times with nostalgia and aspiration.

Reason: A commodity so rare that it is rarely used in 21st century society.

Rainbow: Still one of the greatest sight one can witness, they appear when least expected and disappear before your gaze.

Rich: Value themselves over others.

Rhythm: More essential than melody as melody is enhanced by changes to tempo, while rhythm is less dependent on the notes.

Relationships: what you learn from the past take forward what you experience, leave behind.

Relegation:

Redundancy:

Reject:

Rivita

Rivet: used to hold bridges together. Many thousand can be found in the legs of the Effel and Blackpool towers. New building use glue that’s not generally made from cattle.
Rip Saw: needs the steady, patient hand, I do not pocess, to make a straight cut.

S82 (22)(20)

Stars: Appear to dance about the sky when viewed with children’s binoculars on a chilly autumn evening.

Star Wars: Fantasy movie from the late 20th century that was part of a series of films, numerous toys and a weapons system from protecting the United States of America. 

South America. They have Salsa ,Britain has Status Quo

Swansea: Has wonderful Beaches that are usually empty.

Sport: Football, Darts and Fishing anything else is for the middle-classes to worry about.

Self: We are victims of out own aspiration, remember to do nothing sometimes.

Slugs: For a creature so slow, they have the ability to appear out of thin air in the very place you want them least.
Sun: The older I get the less bright it appears.

Sunsets: when do we ever have time to sit and what them yet they happen every 24 hours. The Sun Rise can be equally inspiring and filled with dread.

Spain: For the Spanish, death is more present in their culture, it is this that makes them more spirited. Only the Spainish would see beauty and art in fighting a Bull. 

South Pole: The last wilderness on Earth, home to reducing life and increasing camera crews. 

Semantics: The favoured weapon of the Politian.

Sound: Something enhanced by closing your eyes and burying our head in your hands.

Spectacles: One of a number of super natural objects that can disappear from you side when you haven’t moved. Can gravitate to beneath where you sit.

Sheep: when they stand in fields they form patterns, what do these patterns mean, is this a bar code ?

Sanctuary air: was produced automatically by a spell checker, I have no knowledge of what it is.

Sanctuary: A hostel is a place of sanctuary, for the mind more than the body.

Showers: Convenient when unclothed.

Supermarkets: a place where you can find everything you want and everything you don’t.

Sandwiches:

Swans: The ugliest of all gods creatures. They appear to have an arm with a face and beak instead of fingers.

Shadows. Could be the shapes of forgotten souls. They Creep around the place hoping not to be seen while we ignore their presence

String Theory: just because someone with an intellect that makes us feel uncomfortable says its true, doesn’t mean it is. Like 99.9% of knowledge see still live in a time where all bets are off and I don’t see this changing soon.

Swansea Jack: 

Staples:

Scenery:

Soundtrack: 

Sugar cube:
Set: A Jelly must be ‘set’ before it are ready to be eaten, a hunter must be set before the trigger is pull and a spork is not part of a cutlery set.
Spangles: Many sweet wrappers now reside in landfill, the sweet are gone but the memory of their taste remains above ground.

 

T20 (11) (10)

3D (cinema): Masks the story or makes you forget there isn’t one.

Time: An abstract concept hasten by routine.

Tennis: A summer sport that’s simple enough for actors to understand- see also motor racing and celebrities.

Television: The Black Mirror; reflects back everything in the world including you but with a slight delay…

Trees:

Tooth Ache: always comes when you least expect. Despite all the advances in dental techniques we still imagine the dentist still has a bag of leeches for emergencies.

The Pound: (File under ‘T’ for ‘The’) unit of currency in which even the europhiles trust. So much better designed than the Euro and Dollar.

Talent contests: Have replaced the stocks in the centre of towns and villages.

Tescos Enemy of the corner shop, friend to the person who is always last minute.

Treadmills: to run so far and remain in the same place is truly a modern achieve.

Thunder: Anyone who isn’t inspired and aroused by the crash of thunder and flash of lighting is dead for the neck up. The power of nature putting little mankind in its place as visitor to the surface of the planet.

Thatcher Margret: a politician who said there was no such thing as society yet spent her life trying to destroy it.

Trade Mark: People have be leaving their mark of work for thousands of years but they are become symbols without specfic identity. But why does Manet’s painting Bar at the Folies Bergere always leave me thirsty? 

Train: In Britain it is a lottery and an expensive one at that! 

Teetotal: Why must brewers continue to attempt to make non-alcohol beers? They taste of desparation and are not cheap. Like vege bacon, its is best to do without.

Ten:

Tennis: 

Turf:

Turkey:

Tax Office:

U7 (2)(2)

UFO’s: Seen in clusters of ships which suggests they have difficulty getting here on their own.

Universities: Knowledge was once a currency, now currency is currency.

V8(8)(8)
Vowel sex: the conversation during the act of sex is reduced to only vowels such as a e, o, and u before there is silence. This say a great deal about what nature thinks of language. 

Villains: Always get the girl.
Versions: Satsuma, Clementine, Navel, Seville and Papaya whip are all versions of Orange.
Vexations: Satie’s are completely the opposite for the first 30 minutes. This entry annoyed me!
Very: Thank you very much for the birds and bees, thank you very much, thank you very very very much. Thank you very much for the birds and bees, thank you very very very much etc
Vera Lynn: Does she like Gin or roll her own cigarettes?
Vingt-Sept: the first word begining with V on google today.
Vantage Point: From where I am sitting I see no advantages, from where I am thinking I ‘see’ a sweeping green landscape.
Venice: no place on earth makes me aware im live and soon wont be.

 

W23(11)(8)

Welsh: The Welsh language must be promoted, but if it is more trees must be planted.

Wasps: Live off sugar so prone to flying directly into you face, especially when cycling or drinking in a Beer Garden. Like the Japanese, have a history of living in paper houses. 

Wetherspoons: Destroyer of local Ale House, enemy of europe and home to old men at 7am.

World War Two: Today, something only read about in books. Of no concern to the young.

WW2 (2): Like WW1, how can such failures of humanity be abbreviated?

World War 3: next is a series of best sellers but unlike the previous 2 will not be archived in books.

Welsh Dresser: Once the proud centre piece of the room.

Weekends: to the freelance creative, they dont exist as the week is one of endless undefined activity based in confusion. 

Weather: doesn’t care that the English discuss it so much. 

Winter: in the volume of the year this season is quitest Summer has a shrill and spring an intermittent popping, while autumn is the loudest season as the wind rushes through the trees in the middle of the night.

White van man: can see further up the road than you.

X0

THERE NO ENTRYS FOR X FOR X-RAY SEE INVISABLE

Y5(5)(5)
Yoyo: Children toy of ancient origin based on the war against the effects of gravity.
Yes: Can also mean No or not really Yes
Yarvin: A fictional planet of which some people know more about than we actually know about Saturn and Jupiter combined.
Yellow: The colour that screams.
Yawn: written when I realised I was up too late with an early start in the morning.

Z0

THERE ARE NO ENTRIES FOR Z FOR ZOO SEE COLLECTIONS OF ANIMALS

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